In an unusual and perhaps unprecedented exercise in relative candor, the White House released President Trump's 2020 New Year's resolutions.
Poolside at the Mar-a-Lago resort, spokesperson Tarik Anitipesh greeted the D.C. press corp with unanticipated warmth. With eyes somewhat bloodshot and speaking with what to many observers seemed like a slur, Anitepesh revealed the President's three personal promises.
1. To treat everyone with respect.
2. To speak truthfully and with dignity
3. To lose 50 pounds
Senior Counselor to the President Kellyanne Conway could not be reached for comment.
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